The Diary of Mary Sue Greenleaf
by Staggering Wood-Elf
Summary: I know there's probably more Mary-Sue parodies than Mary-Sue fics out there, but... I couldn't resist. Rated PG for Pointless Giggling.


A/N: A bit pointless, but haven't we all wondered what Mary Sue really gets up to? Umm, maybe that's just me. It's my first attempt at humour, so be nice! :)  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.  
  
The Diary of Mary Sue Greenleaf  
  
Day 1.  
Heading to Rivendell, because an advisor from my dark and mysterious past told me there will be a council there. Packed bow, arrows, sword, lembas and hair care products. Walked 150 miles in just under an hour, then sat by stream and sang about beauty of nature, birds in trees etc. Hair perfect.  
  
Day 2.  
Arrived in Rivendell, hair intact, but as I was crossing the Ford I heard screams in the woods so I went to investigate. It was Prince Legolas, heroically battling vast numbers of orcs. He kept missing with his bow and arrow so I got mine out and killed loads of nasty yucky orcs. Leggy v.impressed with my archery skills, especially since I only look about 14. However just as we were enjoying romantic moment, stray orc shoots Leggy with arrow. Darn. Used my amazing healing skills to save his life, then carried him to Rivendell. Hair still perfect. Arwen jealous. Ha! Ha!  
  
Day 3.  
Legolas fully recovered from near fatal arrow overnight thanks to Elrond. He doesn't seem too happy though. Sure I heard him muttering something about Elven Lords should not be treated as free doctors. Oh well, he's probably just jealous of my superior skills. Like everyone.  
Went to council meeting, turns out I'm going on a quest to destroy evil ring. Leggy begged me to come, and it turns out I might learn something about my dark and mysterious past. Darned amnesia. Still, get to travel with Leggy and defend him from evil orcs.  
Went to Bridge of Rivendell with him tonight, found Arwen there asking if we'd seen Aragorn. Pushed her into river. Had romantic moment. He says he'll marry me as soon as we get back.  
Found Aragorn looking lost in the House of Elrond, asking where Arwen was. Told her she was in the linen cupboard with Glorfindel. Ha! Ha!  
A good day, I feel. Hair still perfect.  
  
Day 4.  
It sure is a drag outside Rivendell. Nothing to do except walk and give tired hobbits piggy backs. Legolas v.impressed with my kindness.  
Aragorn's cooking crap, so made delicious meal out of odds and ends in Sam's backpack. Didn't delve too deep, as I'm sure I saw a pair of Frodo's breeches wrapped around one of his frying pans. Wonder how that got there. Hmmm.  
  
Day 5.  
In a mine somewhere. Whole fellowship would have been toasted by Balrog if it wasn't for me. Gandalf insanely jealous, so had to try and get one better by waving wizard stick. He fell into shadow. Legolas sad, so was sad too. Wish I was leader of company instead of Aragorn. Would dispute his leadership, if it wasn't for my feminine modesty.  
  
Day 6.  
In Lóthlorien. Mean Galadriel wouldn't let me look in mirror to check if hair was still perfect. However, did discover that I am in fact a long-lost relation of the High Elves, whose memory was wiped by the Dark Lord for no reason whatsoever! Cool. Leggy and I can be together forever, since am now immortal. Funny I hadn't noticed pointy ears before. Possibly because hair so perfect.  
Haven't seen Boromir and Aragorn since we arrived here. Asked hobbits where they were. Hobbits started giggling something about "slashfics". Very strange. Even stranger, when I woke up this morning, I discovered someone had changed my name to "legolas_aniiron_greatestfanficauthor_notamarysue@hotmail.com". What is going on???  
  
Day 7.  
Aaaaaah! Terrible day! Legolas and I were just off for a walk in the woods, when suddenley loads of orcs appeared. Leggy muttered something about having to help Aragorn and ran away, if you please! Then, it got even worse. Suddenley I was confronted by a mysterious character from my past who kidnapped me. Great! Now will never be able to marry Legolas. Oh well, maybe he'll come and rescue me. Left trail of lembas crumbs for him to find, he probably won't notice them until at least the sequel. Darn.  
On the plus side, hair still perfect.  
  
THE END 


End file.
